inanna31 (inanna31) wrote in fivefootthree,
inanna31
inanna31
fivefootthree

Well this place isn't so active anymore...

Is anyone watching and reading? I haven't been in this room in years. Just in case someone's still out there...

I'm obviously 5*3 and 125 lbs currently. I've never been in the 120's for this long before and I know the numbers don't sound very threatening but I'm getting a lot of shit from my mother and my boyfriend. The last ten pounds did go sort of quick, so I guess they're a little worried but I'm 29 now, and I'm not purging so they should happy about that.

Honestly, I would love to see what my body looks like underweight. But I know my boyfriend would leave me. I'm just getting over the flu right now so I haven't been at the gym, but normally I'm there 5-6 nights a week and I intake anywhere from 300-900 calories a day depending on how I feel and how much cardio I do that day.

I've been disordered for years, purged for 5 years and I'm in restrictive mode now. I got scared away from purging when my 6 year old son came home upset because someone called him fat. I'm hoping I'll stay scared... but we'll see.

I live such a dual life. The adult side works full time and raises these kids and pays the bills while balancing a boyfriend. The childish side wants everyone to pay attention to me and love me and I feel like screaming at them to notice me more! I'm fucked in the head.

I was in the hospital for a week last December for dehydration and the suicidal thoughts got me locked up in there, too. I lost consciencness while there, so now at home I keep an eye on my blood pressure. My hair is falling out, and my skin is dry and itchy. It actually really sucks. I'm no where near feeling thin and yet my body just hurts. My anxiety is at record heights. I wish I could just accept myself and love myself, but then again I'd rather die thin than live fat. I'm telling you, I'm so screwed up. My big thing now is, how can I get thinner, not get sick, AND hide all of it from my over protective boyfriend (who, by the way, is a total fucking hypocrit who is obsessed over his own body but gives ME shit?!)

Anyway... maybe someone's reading this, maybe not. It would be nice to see people posting again, though.

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  • 3 comments
I'm still reading! You look amazing for having four kids!!
Great to see another reader here! thanks for the compliment, I really want a tummy tuck though.
I concur that you look great.

It is hard to deal with hypocrites... I know I am one, too... >_> I struggle with wanting independence while another part of me is lazy and completely find living with my parents again after getting a bachelors in 2011.

I hope you were able to reassure your son when he came home that day!